The Family, My Proclamation to the World

I have struggled for a long time with The Family, A Proclamation to the World. Many people have used these words as weapons against beloved children of God. While there is some doctrine contained in this proclamation, many of the statements made are heavily opinion-based and no longer reflect my personal beliefs. 

I sat in church squirming one day listening to another talk telling women they should aim 'lower' with their educational goals (shorter degrees, trade certificates) so they can be ready to become a parent the second they meet the right guy. There is nothing wrong with marrying the right person when you know it's right, and there is nothing inherently 'bad' about Undergraduate degrees or trade certificates, so why was I uncomfortable? 

I was uncomfortable because these messages tell women that they are 'selfish and hate families' if they get graduate degrees.

I was uncomfortable because this message is (to a degree) supported by official church documents like The Family.

I was uncomfortable because these teachings send messages of shame and exclusion to people who do not get married, who marry the 'wrong' person (gay, non-member, trans, etc), who do not have families, etc.

 

As I sat processing my feelings while listening to this talk, I wondered what it would be like if this proclamation was different, if it matched my current beliefs about inclusion and families in the church. I wondered, "If I re-write The Family: A Proclamation to the World to reflect how I believe God actually sees us, what would it look like?"

This is from me and not from the Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, so I have inserted myself throughout as "I" rather than "we". You are welcome to disagree with the choices I made. I re-wrote this for myself, but I felt impressed to share it.

Note: My commentary about the choices I made will be italicized between paragraphs. I use the pronoun "They" when referring to God to reinforce the concept of either Heavenly Mother taking an active role with God the Father or the Godhead (God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost). In both of these contexts, God's pronouns would be plural.

"...[I] solemnly proclaim that marriage... is ordained of God and that the family is central to [our] Creators' plan for the eternal destiny of [Their] children." 

 

"All human beings... are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit child of [Heavenly Parents], and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny..."  

 

"In the premortal realm, spirit [children] knew and worshipped [Heavenly Parents] as their Eternal [Creators] and accepted [Their] plan by which [Their] children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.

 

The divine plan of happiness enables [all] relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for [all of us] to return to the presence of [Heavenly Parents]..." 

Note: While I firmly believe family relationships can and will be perpetuated in the afterlife, my edits here are meant to reflect a more inclusive experience for those who do not have children, who have tumultuous family relationships, or who do not enter into a romantic relationship.

"The first commandment... [given] to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood... [I]... declare that God has commanded that [sex is] to be employed only between [married people who are]... lawfully wedded." 

Note: While I believe the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth was given to Adam and Eve, it is not a commandment that can reasonably include every person and is therefore not universal. This was a personal commandment. I believe many people receive this commandment in personal revelation, but it is not a commandment for all.

Note: Replacing "power of procreation" with "sex" is intended to emphasize that healthy marital relationships include sex for more than just procreation. The emphasis on procreation sometimes causes unnecessary distress and harm in marriages.

"[I] declare the [creation of] mortal life is [most successful if it is done within marital relationships]. [I] affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in [our Heavenly Parents'] eternal plan." 

 

"[Spouses] have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for [any children they may have]. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. [All parents] will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations." 

 

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage... is essential to Their eternal plan. Children are entitled to... be reared by [parents] who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." 

Note: I have mixed feelings about children being entitled to be born within the bonds of marriage. Children who do not have this privilege are sometimes valued as lesser, hence the change to "children are entitled to be reared by parents..." While I do not necessarily disagree that children deserve to be born into families with parents who are in a stable relationship, I personally believe a better way to word this is, "Children are entitled to be reared by parents who are emotionally mature and did not have children just because it was their 'next step'."

"By divine design, [both parents] are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. [Parents] are [also] responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, [parents] are obligated to help one another as equal partners... Extended families [and chosen families] should lend support..." 

Note: Mothers have priesthood power to preside over their families. That power comes from making covenants. Fathers also have the responsibility to nurture their children. 

Note: I believe raising children is not something parents could [maybe] use help with [sometimes]. It is overwhelming and exhausting. All. The. Time. (Parents need to lean on extended family and chosen family. The family should help raise children within the boundaries set by the parents.)

"[I assert] that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse their spouse, and/or [who abuse children]... will one day stand accountable before God. Further, [I assert] that the disintegration of the family will bring [the disintegration of society]." 

Note: I removed the word "warn" from the beginning of this section.To me, the word "warn" implies an 'us vs. them' mentality that 'non-abusive members' are somehow different or better than 'abusive members'. 

Abusers have the opportunity for repentance and forgiveness. We will all stand accountable before God. None of us will be able to hide abuse any more than we will be able to hide prejudice or bigotry. This does not mean I condone abuse; I believe abusers will be held accountable for their actions. 

"[I] call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen [relationships and families] as the fundamental [units] of society."

Note: Not every couple will have children, and some families are forged in friendship. I believe "families" are not and should not be limited to blood relations. We are all children of God, so we are all technically family. 

Now that you've had a chance to read this, I would like to invite you to consider how you felt while reading. 

• Were there parts that resonated with you? 
• Were there parts that made you feel uncomfortable? 
• Where might those feelings of discomfort be coming from? 
• How might these changes bring comfort to those who feel The Family, a Proclamation teaches them they are sinning for being unable to meet the narrow expectations it contains? 
• Thinking of individuals who do not fit in The Family mold, how can we change the way we speak to members of the church to make God's love for everyone more clear?

I have spent a lot of time reading and listening to accounts of members who do not fit in the mold, which has helped me understand how I can be more inclusive at church. I would invite you to do the same. LiftandLove.org is an excellent place to start!